Ah... January. Going to the gym and starting the year off right. If you haven't been in years like myself, the first return visit can be the hardest. You may not know your way around, which outs you as one of those January "yeah, sure they'll keep coming" kinda people.
Returning to the Park Slope YMCA men's locker room after many years got me thinking two main things. One, I have never been in the women's locker room and I'm pretty sure whatever bender gets me in there, will not end well. Two, "There is a great difference between getting naked while changing, and parading one's self naked around the locker room". I thought about this occasionally whilst not going to the gym and even gave it as one of the reason's I didn't go. Now I have returned, and there it is again. I have come to a basic conclusion. I'd just rather not be naked or stand next to naked men in a locker room. I categorize this as unfun nudity. You really need to simply do your business, shower, dry and apply your delicates. But, brushing your hair in the mirror naked and walking around shooting the breeze with your undercarriage on display... well, perhaps you could save that for an audience you know will appreciate such a thing. I am all for the good kind of nudity; nudist colonies, streaking, sex, art, parading around your house or enjoying the wilderness naked for weeks. Hey, it's only natural.
A girlfriend and I once went and tried out a mud bath in Calistoga, Ca. Now I am sure these mud bath experiences vary from place to place... We got naked and slipped into these two mud tubs planted next to each other. They were too hot for me and quite claustrophobic. I was not digging it. Eventually, in what felt like the duration of the dark ages, some lady came in, time was finally up. I was relieved and yet, it got worse. She had the both of us stand naked against some cement wall and hosed us down. It had a Holocaust kinda vibe to it. When it was over, I said, "Wow and we gotta pay for that experience?" "It would have been more enjoyable to have been arrested in Mexico." It was supposed to be therapeutic and all, but it just turned out to be another fine example of unfun nudity.
Unfun nudity can be walking out of your apartment or hotel room naked and accidentally locking yourself out. Never mind how it happened, a dare, grabbing the paper, checking the weather, a mission from god, point is after it happens, what do you do? Ok, now that is sounding like an amusing challenge, at least from an outsider's point of view.
For many of us the first encounter with it is in that dream; the dreaded going to school with no clothes on scenario. I don't think many people have this dream later in life (at least not as often). It seems contained primarily to pre-pubescents. "They" say nudity symbolizes a number of things depending on what's going on in your real life . Freaking out and realizing that you are naked in public, "reflects your vulnerability or feelings of shamefulness. You could be hiding something and are afraid that others can see right through you". But then again, if you are destined to be a nudist. This could simply be the beginning of your calling.
Of course there is the good old physical examination. My regular doctor is a friend. We have been social outside of the office. He had me disrobe. He put on a glove and it was time for him to put his finger up my (insert vulgar or clinical term here). Yes, he had to make some sort of a joke to ease the situation. I was actually surprised. I thought that would be my department and he would make some, "Now now, I do this all the time" sort of statement. We were both glad when that edition of unfun nudity was over. As for the ladies, I'll assume that going to the gynecologist isn't as fun as getting ice cream and riding the Cyclone on a hot summer day.
Everyone confronts some form of unfun nudity at some point in life. I am relieved that as of this writing, I have not endured the prison /incarceration brand. The strip search can't be all that life affirming (at the airport or elsewhere) either. I have however experienced a great loss at strip poker (fortunately, it was rather enjoyable).
I look forward to more skinny dipping, streaking, parading, dancing and getting loose. Nudity can be fun for the whole fam... no, that is just not right.
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